I learned late last night that acquaintance’s mother had passed away suddenly. Whether a dear or recent friend, news of a death is often unexpected and tough to receive. It can often leave you searching for the right thing to say. I’ve found that quite often staying simple with your response is always best. “I’m sorry to learn of your sad news” is sincere, to the point, and comforting. Getting too conversational (unless prompted by the grieving party) can make for an uncomfortable situation. Sayings such as “at least he/she is no longer suffering” or “he/she is in a better place” may be coming from the heart, but might inadvertently offend your friend.
Whenever possible I try to help those grieving by offering to inform other mutual acquaintances, running a needed errand for them or simply offering to be a listening ear. I usually wait until after the funeral to send a sympathy letter. If I knew the deceased I’ll add a small, kind antidote from my interaction with them. Something along the lines of “I will always remember your mother’s kindness and hospitality when I moved to the neighborhood. She personally insured that I met all of our new neighbors by inviting us over for a small gathering. How kind she truly was to us during a time of transition in my family’s life.” The simplest acts of kindness and sincerity, I find, can go far in comforting a grieving heart.
