September 26, 2008
Ever confused about monograms for abbreviated names? It’s simple … go with the first letter!
If you’re Jane E. O’Doe your monogram would be JEO or JOE or O. In monogramming you always stick with where your last name would be if placed on an alphabetical listing of names.
By the way, this rule works if you have two worded last name such as Jane E. von Doe (JEV or JVE or V) or an two capitalized last name like Jane E. DiGeorge (JED or JDE or D).
Of course, there are a ton of combinations of maiden and married names and joint monograms and hyphenated names these days! Have any confusion on your monogram? Just ask!
September 24, 2008
A friend called yesterday to complain about her neighbor and the old apartment building where she resides. The problem is that her upstairs neighbor likes to exercise (at all hours of the day) and the noise from her exercise comes down into her apartment. She lives in one of those Washington buildings that is about 100 years old and is totally charming if only you owned the place and you didn’t have to deal with the noise of all your neighbors. My friend explained that she felt quite awkward asking her neighbor to stop exercising since she doesn’t know her well and, of course, her neighbor does live there too. She feels that she would be telling the woman what to do in her own home. My friend also feels a bit strange confronting her neighbor because she is exercising and doesn’t want the woman to feel as though she is making too much noise because she is heavy. As my friend so pointedly put it “she’s the size of a mouse but it sounds like an elephant is coming through our ceiling.” And since I’m a good friend and I can’t usually stop myself from putting in my two cents, I quickly pointed out that her anxiety over the situation could be easily calmed.
Therefore, with the absolute belief that neighborly peace is vital to everyone’s wellbeing I offered my friend this suggestion. First, keep breathing. Yes, no one likes to be disturbed in their own home when they are trying to relax. And yes, 11 pm is absurdly late to start an aerobics program in an old building when you have downstairs neighbors. But, I’m fairly confident that the goal of your at-all-other-times extremely cordial neighbor was not to annoy, frustrate, or otherwise anger you by exercising so late at night (whew! this always giving people the benefit of the doubt stuff is pretty hard sometimes)! With that idea in mind, it’s pretty easy to allow the blood to flow to other areas besides your head. And it is with this spirit that you should kindly (and without a hint of irritation) go upstairs knock gently on her door and let her know that the noise from her exercising is disturbing you. Explain to her the volume at which her exercise enters your apartment is quite loud, while quickly blaming the noise on the old building. Tell her that you understand she must be busy and trying to squeeze in a quick workout when she can, but that you wake up early to get to work and your usually in bed by 10 pm. Ask her if she wouldn’t mind keeping her workouts to the early evening hours. I stress that this needs to be an in-person conversation and not a note or a phone call. If your neighbor is a good one, she’ll stop the excessive noise at late hours and if you’re a good neighbor you’ll need to put up with her exercising during acceptable hours. If it really bothers you during those times, perhaps it would be a good time for you to get out of the house and take a nice stroll around the block. A little exercise and fresh air has never hurt anyone!
September 17, 2008
Recently Sarah and I were asked to contribute a blog posting all about calligraphy to Washingtonian Magazine’s Bridal Party Blog. Here are a few must knows that we came up with. Of course … I wanted to share them with my loyal Pleasantly Polite readers in hopes that you’ll be able to use these guidelines someday soon!
Calligrapher’s are quite the talented bunch… Their ability to turn a messy excel file into beautiful addresses on invitation envelopes always amazes us. Here are some of our best tips and tricks for making their job easier, which will result in the most perfect envelopes possible!
- Sarah and Erin of Haute Papier
- Calligrapher’s are busy people. If you’d like to have them address your envelopes or place cards for your special event, remember to get them booked as soon as possible. We recommend contacting them a month before you would like your paperie calligraphed. And if you haven’t seen their work before, ask if they’d be willing to send you a sample.
- Looking at a messy Excel spreadsheet is quite taxing on the eyes. Prepare your list in Excel, then use Mail Merge to make it a Word document.
- Remember to prepare your list exactly as you would like the calligrapher to write it. This means if you’d like “Apt.” written out to “Apartment” write it out on your list. Same goes for “St.” and “District of Columbia”
- Would you like the zip code on the same line as the city and state or underneath it? Whichever you prefer, remember to indicate it by preparing your list in that manner.
- Think about how formal or informal you would like your envelopes to be. If you will need inner and outer envelopes, be sure to include what you would like written on the inner envelope when preparing the list. We recommend leaving one line break after the zip code line, then typing what you would like on the inner envelope, then two line breaks before the next guest. For example,
Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Johnson
1300 35th Street, Northwest
Washington, District of Columbia
20007
Claire and Andrew
6. Remember to check your list and check it again for spelling errors and formalities before sending it off. The calligrapher simply can’t be responsible for assuming you meant Mr. and Mrs. William Johnson when you wrote Mr. and Mrs. Bill Johnson.
7. Try to get everyone you’ll need on that first list. Often times calligrapher charge extra fees for additions to the list or corrections after they’ve already addressed all your paperie. This is because often times they mix ink to match perfectly for your job.
8. With that being said, always try to include a piece of the invitation that you would like them to match the ink to. We’re always amazed by their perfect color matching!
September 16, 2008
I learned late last night that acquaintance’s mother had passed away suddenly. Whether a dear or recent friend, news of a death is often unexpected and tough to receive. It can often leave you searching for the right thing to say. I’ve found that quite often staying simple with your response is always best. “I’m sorry to learn of your sad news” is sincere, to the point, and comforting. Getting too conversational (unless prompted by the grieving party) can make for an uncomfortable situation. Sayings such as “at least he/she is no longer suffering” or “he/she is in a better place” may be coming from the heart, but might inadvertently offend your friend.
Whenever possible I try to help those grieving by offering to inform other mutual acquaintances, running a needed errand for them or simply offering to be a listening ear. I usually wait until after the funeral to send a sympathy letter. If I knew the deceased I’ll add a small, kind antidote from my interaction with them. Something along the lines of “I will always remember your mother’s kindness and hospitality when I moved to the neighborhood. She personally insured that I met all of our new neighbors by inviting us over for a small gathering. How kind she truly was to us during a time of transition in my family’s life.” The simplest acts of kindness and sincerity, I find, can go far in comforting a grieving heart.
September 12, 2008
Here’s a recent email I received in regards to the often urgent circumstances of military weddings:
A friend’s fiancee is in the military and she will be coming home after training so that they can get married before they move to her base in Mass. The wedding is going to be small and simple with very few guests, so there will not be time for a bridal shower or even a real registry. My friend would like to send out announcements after the wedding has taken place to let friends and family know that their marriage took place; and in this announcement she would like to information on their registry because they are really young (early twenties) and have never lived away from home before. They do not have anything for setting up their house. How rude is it to inform people of the marriage after it takes place and still provide information on how a gift can be given? Normally I would assume it is very very unacceptable, but since it is a military wedding and the bride and groom have very little choice in when and how it takes place, I was wondering if there are exceptions.
It is certainly understandable for friends and relatives of our military men and women to want to do anything possible to set up a new couple with everything they may need on a new base. And although I applaud their desire to assist, it is still important to maintain appropriate ettiquette whenever possible. Therefore I would not suggest including direct information on their registry. That only implies that a gift in expected! I will part with many other protocal experts in one way, however. It has become increasingly common for couples (or friends of couples) to create a wedding website to share the joy of their union with those who love them. Many websites have a designated area to link guests directly to a registry. Perhaps your friend can include a line in the wedding announcement for friends and family to share their congratulations with the couple by posting a note on their website. If they want to explore the website to see pictures of the wedding or other fun information they may come across the registry (some may indeed be looking for gift information). This is much more discreet and won’t seem as though the couple is seeking out gifts!
September 11, 2008
I know I’ve been gone for some time and I never even told you I’d be away! How unpleasant of me! Rest assured that won’t happen again. I promise almost-daily posts from here on out. I’ve been up to a lot since I last posted. I’m sure some of my adventures will show up in these lines over the next few weeks so keep checking back!
Erin
July 23, 2008
While you’re on usps.com, stamps.com, or at the post office purching postage to send the invitations to your next big event, go ahead and buy extra stamps for your thank you cards. You’ll most likely be writing your thank you notes within a week or two of the event and since you’ve thought ahead, you’ll save yourself that extra trip or time online! Who doesn’t need one less thing to do? Most importantly, the sense of accomplishment at finishing your long list of thoughtful thank yous will wash over you sooner then you could ever imagine!
It’s fun to pick out postage stamps that are unique to your event. Of course, if you can’t find a stamp at the post office you like you can try personalizing your postage at sites like www.stamps.com and www.zazzle.com. Many of the couples we work with use these sites to create a thank you card postage with a picture from their honeymoon. I think it’s an adorable touch!
Remember, invitations often need larger then standard postage to be mailed. This is the case because they are over sized or heavier the first class rate (3.5 ounces or less). Generally, thank you notes are fine with a first class stamp (currently $.42).
July 16, 2008
Many clients want to know the proper way to address their place cards and escort cards. It’s not surprising … how often do you use place cards outside of very formal dinners and weddings? My rule of thumb is to keep it formal and follow this simple format:
Male guest (over 18 years of age) – Mr. Smith
Male guest (under 18 years of age) – Master Smith
Female guest (married) – Mrs. Smith
Female guest (unmarried and over 18 years of age) – Ms. Smith
Female guest (unmarried and under 18 years of age) – Miss Smith
You may find, as is often the case when there are multiple members of the same family, that you will have two Mr. Smiths at the wedding. The proper protocol it to insert the guest’s first name while keeping both the title and the last name. This will read Mr. Robert Smith. If you have two guests with common first names, simply add a middle initial. To keep the formality with married females who share a last name, insert their husband’s first name, which reads Mrs. Robert Smith. This tradition is changing since many find using a formal married name highly offensive. Make sure you’re sensitive to this and use your female guest’s own name when it is most appropriate (Mrs. Mary Smith).
You may find, as is often the case when there are multiple members of the same family, that you will have two Mr. Smiths at the wedding. The proper protocol it to insert the guest’s first name while keeping both the title and the last name. This will read Mr. Robert Smith. If you have two guests with common first names, simply add a middle initial. To keep the formality with married females who share a last name, insert their husband’s first name, which reads Mrs. Robert Smith. This tradition is changing since many find using a formal married name highly offensive. Make sure you’re sensitive to this and use your female guest’s own name when it is most appropriate (Mrs. Mary Smith).
Of course, there are two people at the wedding whose titles are the easiest! No one else can claim the bride’s and groom’s seats!
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